Sorry there haven't been any updates here lately. I've been pretty busy with StopAnnCoulter.com
. Fortunately, the StopAnnCoulter.com Religion Correspondent Peter Gray was willing to write this week's column review (which will be up this afternoon), so I thought I'd use this free time to talk about baseball.
This is borderline blasphemy, but on Opening Night this year, I cheered for the Yankees to beat the Red Sox. I did, I'll admit it. And it's not that I like the Yankees - I despise the Yankees. But I'm quickly coming to the somewhat confusing realization that I despise the Boston Red Sox.
I know what your thinking. "Scott, don't be so bitter. You're just pissed that the BoSox made your Cards look like a AA team in the Series last year. Red Sox Nation for life, baby!" Or something like that. And I'm sure there's some truth to that, but my hatred for the Red Sox had come to full fruition before the World Series even started last year. So I present to you, the case against the Red Sox:
The Red Sox are essentially the Yankees in a dishevled costume. They present themselves as a blue collar, laid back, populist kind of ball club. But that's total crap. They have the second-highest payroll in the league. The Sox and the Yankees are the only teams above the cap this year. You can't have a payroll of over $100 million and be blue collar. Hell, the Devil Rays aren't blue collar (Manny Ramirez and Curt Schilling together make more than the entire Devil Rays team). The Yankees payroll is certainly higher than the Sox, but at least the Yankees don't try to disguise their wealth behind long hair, shaggy beards, and a laid back persona. Not that there's anything wrong with long hair and shaggy beards - in fact, I think both are extremely cool. However, when you are contractually bound to keep your long hair and beard because of a book deal (Johnny Damon), then you are undermining everything that's great about that look.
This brings me to the double standard in the sports media. When the Sox were down 3-0 in the ALCS last year, everyone on SportsCenter said, "The Red Sox are simply being outclassed. They don't take themselves or the game seriously enough." But when they made the miraculous comeback, the tune changed: "Oh, look how laid back and loose they are. It's so refreshing." Get out of my face.
And here's another problem with Red Sox Nation. For all the 80 year old men out there who had been waiting their entire lives to see a Red Sox championship, I feel great for them. Congrats, you've earned it. But let me speak to Red Sox fans who are my age (20somethings) or younger. Don't give me that crap about the curse and the pain of being a Red Sox fan. The last time the Cards won a World Series, I was four months old. So I'm in as much "pain" as any of you douchebags (not you, Kels, you're not a douchebag, and I know you've been a Sox fan for quite awhile - unlike the hordes of Red Sox fans who were sucked in over the past two seasons).
Being a Cardinals fan is absolutely glorious, even though we choked so badly in the Series. The Cardinals represent greatness - more World Series titles in their history than any other team in baseball except for the Yankees, and the most in the only real
league in the game (get rid of the DH, and we can talk, American League). Set in a medium-sized market, St. Louis is consistently picked as the best baseball town in America. Why? There aren't 18,000 HBO special about them. They aren't nearly as marketable as the Sox or the Yanks. It's because their fans know and love the game of baseball. As they rolled to the best record in baseball last year, they still managed to fly under the radar of the Sox/Yanks. The Cardinals (and the Cubs, too, as much I hate to say it) represent the heartland, the pulse of America, not the urban jungles of the northeast. The Cardinals have built a fan base that stretches all over the country, and they have done it with unmatched class. Are the Cardinals a blue-collar team? Hell no. No MLB team is. But they represent a classiness and love for the beauty of baseball that is forgotten in the tabloid rivalry of the Yanks and Sox.
So there you have it, Red Sox fans. You can take "Fever Pitch" and Manny Ramirez and go jump in the Harbor. And what's with all the A-Rod insults during the offseason? You won the title! Just shut up and enjoy it! You're no longer "loveable losers," and the pitiful identity you've fabricated over the years is gone. Congratulations on the World Series, maybe now you can get back to being a baseball team and baseball fans instead of fairweather, whining goofballs. Eat it, Red Sox Nation. Cardinals win.
And now, the official "Gimme Some Truth" predictions for the 2005 season. The teams you should cheer for idea is completely stolen from Brian's blog
Champ: Atlanta Braves
Team to cheer for: Washington NationalsNL Central
Champ: St. Louis Cardinals
Team to cheer for: St. Louis CardinalsNL West
Champ: San Diego Padres
Team to cheer for: San Diego PadresNL Wild Card
: Florida MarlinsAL East
Champ: New York Yankees
Team to cheer for: Baltimore OriolesAL Central
Champ: Minnesota Twins
Team to cheer for: Anyone but the Royals (God, I hate the Royals)AL West
Champ: Anaheim Angels
Team to cheer for: Oakland A'sAL Wild Card
: Boston Red Sox (bastards!)
NLCS: St. Louis Cardinals vs. Florida Marlins
ALCS: New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox (gross)
World Series: St. Louis Cardinals defeat the Yankees in the last game ever at Busch Stadium. Glorious.